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http://the-average-gatsby.tumblr.com/post/78907071150/alright-you-guys-have-posted-some-pretty-bad-jokes

the-average-gatsby:

alright you guys have posted some pretty bad jokes on here but not one comes close to this doozy

brace yourselves

so there’s a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. the first kingdom is rich and…

Oh my god, get the fuck out.

Anonymous

Anonymous asked:

Vaccines aren't actually necessary. If you live a natural, healthy lifestyle free of chemicals, toxic food additives, and GMOs, your body will take care of diseases itself.

madlori:

woofwoofs:

cognitivedissonance:

andythanfiction:

Ah, right, like the way literally millions of people’s bodies “took care of themselves” back when everyone was eating 100% organic non-GMO everything and living totally “naturally.”

Death. The word you’re looking for as the reality behind your little euphemism is mass, often genocidal, pandemic, bodies-piled-in-the-streets for fucks sake look up smallpox or polio some time and see how long it takes you to start sobbing DEATH.  With a side of mutilation and life-long disability for the “lucky” ones. 

PS: If you really believe that all chemicals in food and medicine are evil and therefore a good excuse not to get yourself and your kids vaccinated, see how long you survive without Dihydrogen Monoxide.

Fuck this guy. I never knew my Aunt Sharon. My mom never knew her older sister Sharon. She died of polio before the vaccine was created. Healthy as a horse, then dies before she’s even ten. And fuck you if you think it’s because my grandparents didn’t feed her right or take care of her. They did everything they could, like millions of other parents, and she died anyhow.

India was just declared polio-free THIS WEEK. How the hell do you think that happened, unicorn farts and Whole Foods? No, the goddamn polio VACCINE.

Do us all a favor — if you choose not to vaccinate your children, keep them inside forever because they, and you, are a goddamn danger to those who can’t get vaccinated for health reasons or age.
VACCINATE EVERYONE WHO CAN BE VACCINATED.

I swear on all that is holy, I’m 100% done with anti-vaxxers. Your opinions are not based in science or reality, and therefore are not valid. They are fucking dangerous and causing outbreaks of potentially deadly diseases. If there were some way to criminally charge anti-vaxxers with reckless endangerment or manslaughter, I would support that completely.

Your hardheaded ignorance in the face of facts is KILLING PEOPLE.

/rant

Madagascar literally had an outbreak of bubonic and pneumonic plague and people are still like “WE DON’T NEED VACCINES” like shut the fuck up.

The United States has seen a FIVE HUNDRED PERCENT increase in whooping cough in the last few years BUT NO GO AHEAD AND EAT SOME FUCKING ORGANIC RASPBERRIES YOU’LL BE SUPER FINE.

YOUR BODY DOES NOT “TAKE CARE OF DISEASES ITSELF.”  Some of them can be nuked by your immune system.  SOME OF THEM CAN’T. People have been DYING OF DISEASES for as long as people have existed.  That is some fucked-up “the female body has ways of shutting that whole thing down” magical-thinking BULLSHIT OF THE HIGHEST ORDER.

SORRY NOTHING MAKES ME SHOUTIER THAN ANTI-VAXX BULLSHIT.

Anonymous

Anonymous asked:

I'm 14& my bf is 26 & we had sex and ever since we did it he's been really distant and rude and keeps presurring me to do it again even though I don't wanna...how do it talk to him about it?

thatbadadvice:

Readers won’t stop sending the Bad Advisor their real-ass questions to answer, so the Bad Advisor is periodically going to try her hand at answering them.

image

Your 26-year-old boyfriend is a gross creeper who needs to get his shit together and date people his own age when and if he gets out of the prison he should be in. I know it probably seems to cool to have his attention now, but when you’re older please please don’t stop listening just because I said “when you’re older” because this is a real thing it will seem immature at best and, more likely, predatory.

Look, you may or may not already know or care about this, but Bad Advisor needs you to hear it: if you are an American person: when 26-year-olds have sex with 14-year-olds, that is not generally considered to be “sex” but rather a creepy crime called “statutory rape" almost everywhere in the country, if not absolutely everywhere in the country. Bad Advisor can’t speak to the technical terms that might or might not be used elsewhere in the world, but Bad Advisor bets shit is illegal there too. Bad Advisor isn’t saying this to scare you, but to illustrate the gravity of the situation: people have made laws to protect teenagers like you from people like your boyfriend.

But aside from the fact that this dude is way the fuck too old for you once again please do not stop reading, this is not about the fact that you’re 14 it’s about the fact that he’s twenty fucking six years old here’s what:

"he’s been really distant and rude and keeps presurring me to do it again even though I don’t wanna"

is, hands down, a REALLY FUCKING GOOD REASON TO DUMP LITERALLY ANYONE’S SHITTY ASS, BUT ESPECIALLY AND SPECIFICALLY YOUR BOYFRIEND’S SHITTY ASS.

Good, healthy relationships do not EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES include “pressuring” anyone to do literally anything they do not want to do. Good, healthy relationships do not EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES include tap-dancing around the feelings of someone who is “distant and rude” because when that happens, the “distant and rude” person is putting you on the train to Emotional Abuseville and you will not enjoy being on that train and it is a hard-ass train to get off of and the view sucks and there’s not even a shitty food cart and it’ll be hot and un-airconditioned in the summer and fucking freezing with no heat in the winter time. 

You never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever have to have sex—or do anything with your body or anyone else’s body—if you do not want to. Nothing you can ever do or say obligates you to have sex with someone else. Sex is not a deal, a prize or a transaction, it is something enthusiastically consenting humans do with other age-appropriate enthusiastically consenting humans.

What the Bad Advisor would love for you to do are three things:

  1. Join up at some online communities for teenagers where it’s safe to talk and read about sex, healthy relationships and other fun shit to do that is not worry about the 26-year-old grown-ass man you are about to kick to the curb. You might like Scarleteen, Sparklife, or gURL.
  2. Consider talking to a trustworthy adult about your relationship with this man, bearing in mind that some adults (like teachers, counselors, or doctors) may be required to report what you tell them about this man to the proper authorities, again, not because you are a bad person but because what he is doing to/with you is not only gross and inappropriate, but illegal. (EDITED TO ADD: Anon, this means your boyfriend gets in legal trouble, not you! You have not done anything wrong. You are fine and you deserve better.)
  3. Send one piece of communication to your boyfriend telling him that your relationship is over, and that you will no longer be seeing him, talking to him or communicating with him in any way, and block him in every way possible and stick to it forever. If he continues to pursue or harass you, or attempts to contact your friends or family, or shows up at places he knows you’re going to be, document everything he does (writing it down in a notebook will work just fine) and tell a trustworthy adult (youth director? teacher? coach? theatre club sponsor?) or, if you feel comfortable, the police directly.

tl;dr: DUMP THIS FOOL IMMEDIATELY AND NEVER TALK TO HIM AGAIN EVER

california-conservative:

republicanidiots:

oh-snap-pro-choice:

persephoneholly:

bethrogers:

Since I work where I do, I’m even MORE for this…yeah, buddy! lol. Wink, wink!

I swear, if Hoppy Lobby was owned by a Muslim man and he said birth control goes against his personal religious beliefs and that he ‘shouldn’t have to pay for it’ I highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, doubt we’d get as far as we did.

•Birth control isn’t used solely for sex
•Birth control
•Isn’t
•Solely used
•For
•Sex
BIRTH CONTROL ISNT SOLELY USED FOR SEX
-Ash

Let me just add that if birth control IS used solely for sex then yes you’ll still need to pay for it because I’m paying for your Viagra and penis pumps and aircraft carriers and wars.  

No, you aren’t paying for their Viagra (which was actually invented to treat pulmonary hypertension) and penis pumps because a business owner won’t be on welfare. And we all “benefit” from aircraft carriers and wars equally. They are a public good, while healthcare isn’t. 

People killing each other good for USA! People not dying from preventable illnesses bad for USA!

Because of reasons!
- literally American conservatives

Obama Celebrates Independence Day by Murdering Bald Eagles

bethrogers:

The eagle is a American symbol of freedom and rugged individualism. Why would he care if a symbol of failure and wasted money caused the death of the beautiful eagles?

Bald eagles are scavengers, they literally live of things that are already dead or killed by others.

The national symbol of America is socialism.

(Source: gop-tea-pub)

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